In a pickle, with salami

So, salami is meat, which you buy, in a packet, and it's ready to eat...  Or is it?

I recently went through some tribulations with a packet of salami - I'll tell you about it...

When you buy a packet of salami, the slices of meat are arranged in an overlapping pattern...  That's fine - the problem is, that the piece at the top, is at the bottom...  D'you see?  No?  OK, here's a picture...

Do you see how the overlapping salami slices seem to be the wrong way around?  The one which is at the top of the pile, is at the bottom of the packet...

So, what's the problem?  Essentially, you have to open the packet fully, just to get at the first slice...  You can't just peel the top down a couple of inches, because you only fancy a couple of pieces of salami, and don't want to open the packaging all the way...

Observe...

With the packet half-way open, you you can't get at the top slice of meat...  You have to take the bottom one, and try and slide it out from underneath all the others...

Of course, the packet of salami, half-open, ought to look like this...

Don't you see how much better that is...?

Yes, it is, isn't it?

So, I hope that all the people who sell salami in this convoluted way will read this, and do something about it!

The inevitable "I've got an iPhone and you're gonna hear about it!" post

So, last week, I got an iPhone...  Not a new 4G one - I'm not that awesome - but an old 3G version...

I like it...  I've only had it a week, but I'm already liking it a lot!

I'm not going to start reviewing the features, I'm not going to take a load of photos of it, and I'm certainly not going do any kind of tests on it...  After all, an iPhone 3G is fairly "old-hat" now - I'm sure everyone reading this knows what they look like, what the main features are, and that, should they wish, there are a billion comprehensive reviews, from all angles and perspectives, available on the internet already...

What I am going to do, is ask this question...  What is it that makes an iPhone better than, say a Blackberry, or an Android phone?

The answer?  Well, nothing, actually...  I know plenty of people who prefer those alternative Smartphones, and would much rather have one over an iPhone...  But equally, I know I'm not the only person who would choose the iPhone over those others...

Discussions on the internet always seem to get rather heated, on this topic...  Particularly, I've noticed, between the two rival "camps" of iPhone users, and Android users...  I'm never sure why they feel the need to get so intense about it - it's only a choice of phone, for goodness' sake!

Personally, I am a big fan of Apple products...  I'm typing this post on my MacBook Pro, I listen to music on my iPod Classic, and, now, I do all kinds of mobile telecommunicational activities on my iPhone 3G...  The reason is, that I find Apple products work, for me...  I'm quite ready to admit that they won't work for everyone - but, for me, they're great...

I think that's the whole crux of this ridiculous issue, actually...  The idea of personal preference plays an enormous part in the choosing of these gadgets, and it all comes down to what kind of person you are...

On some level, I suspect that the designers at Apple are actually very similar to me...  I think we must think the same, have the same ways of working, and so on...  Which, I think, is why the products they design make so much sense to me...  Apple's operating systems just "click" with my way of thinking, and always seem incredibly intuitive...  The devices always work in the way I expect them to - everything about them (well, almost - nobody's perfect!) is designed in a way which makes me think "yeah, that's how I would've had it done!"  And, as such, I feel very much at home using iPhones, iPods, Macs, and so on...  It's almost as if they were designed just for me...

Now, not everyone's like me...  I know many people who don't like the way Apple's products operate, and who find Windows, or Android, or the Blackberry operating system, much easier to work with...  Those systems seem to make more sense to them, and they work much better with them...

I'm not sure whether there are any correlations to be discovered here...  Is it true, for instance, that most "creative" types prefer working with Apple Macs, while businesses tend to lean towards PCs?  I've no idea...  And I can't be bothered to do enough research to find out...!

All I do know, is, that if somebody has a particular affinity for products which are designed in a certain way, and which work in a certain way, they're not "stupid" - they're not being "narrow-minded" or "a fanboy"...  They just have a different approach to using technology from you...  And, what's great, is that, in the modern technological market-place, there really is something for everyone...!

So, whether the iPhone's design really strikes a chord with you, or whether you find it clumsy, unintuitive, and you much prefer to use a Blackberry, that's fine!  Just remember that not everyone will have the experiences using those devices...

OK?  Good!  :)

When I am the Minister for Transport (part two)

As a musician, I do seem to do quite a lot of travelling - most of it by road…  (I drove over eight hundred miles in one weekend, last week…)  And one of the things which annoys me most about travelling in the car, is roadworks…

Now, roadworks are annoying - we all know that!  And, sometimes, we have to accept that they're also necessary…  But, I am not convinced that roadworks in such high quantities are really essential!

Yeah, sure, if the road's actually falling apart - if somebody's actually died because of the state of the road - by all means, then, do something about it!  But so many of the roadworks one meets, as one travels around the country, seem so trivial…

Or, indeed, inexplicable!  If you're travelling North, the chances are you'll happen upon the M1, at some point in your journey…  The last time I was driving North on the M1, great swathes of it were covered in roadworks, marked down to 50mph, and lines of frustrated, slow moving traffic are regulated by the modern equivalent of Cromwell's Puritan Commissioners - the Average Speed Check Cameras of Evil!

"M1 Improvements" boasts the sign…  Now, I don't know about you, but I was never under the impression that the M1 needed "improving"…  It always seemed fine as it was!

And, whatever these improvements are, which the powers-that-be seem to feel really need implementing, are they worth all the hassle?  Because, while the work is actually being done, far from being "improved", the M1 is actually a whole lot worse!

To give you an idea of the irony of some of these situations, I was just entering another roadworks zone, around Junction 16 of the M25, when I saw a sign saying this -

"M25 Carriageway Widening - caution, narrow lanes"

So, how's that widening working out for you, eh?  Made a good start?

Again, I realise that, in some cases, work simply has to be done, and drivers must just live with the disruption, until it's all over…  It just seems that some works will never end, and when they eventually do, some other road is being worked on…  When will the roads finally be finished?  Never!

I don't actually have a proper proposal about this…  If I were made Minister for Transport tomorrow (and there's a strong chance that will happen) I wouldn't have my policy on roadworks all set-out and ready to be implemented…

But what I do know is that I'd definitely try and cut down on the amount of roadworks, and the sheer size and scale of the projects, as much as possible…  Only when absolutely, really necessary, and there's no other alternative, would I allow works to begin…  Otherwise - forget it!  They're just too much of a nuisance - and, more often than not, more trouble than they're worth…

When is it not the time to go on a diet?

So, it's the middle of June, and the smell-o-vision is full of adverts encouraging people (more commonly women) to get slim "for summer"...  The insinuation being that summer is the time when it really matters that you have a slim, svelte figure...  (To look good in a bathing suit, I presume?)

OK, fair enough...  So, now's the time to go on a diet, if you're going to?  Well, yes, but, so's any other time - if you believe the adverts!

I remember, only a few months back, when people were being encouraged to get slim for Christmas...  Or, "the party season" as advertising agencies seem to prefer to call it...  I s'pose the jocular, merry connotations of such a phrase help shift more worthless "tat" than a more down-to-earth moniker like "season of depression and divorce" would...!

So, when's the best time to be on a diet?  Summer, or Christmas?  Or maybe spring?  Or late autumn?  Well, with Bonfire Night at the beginning of November, you're most likely to be seen in silhouette with all those lights going off - and, in such a situation, you can't rely on having a pretty face, so you'll need to be thin!  (To be honest, I'm surprised I haven't actually seen an advert that takes that line yet...  Maybe this November, somebody will finally capitalise on this hitherto unsullied opportunity?)

I think the answer is that companies who sell products which help you to lose weight want you to believe that every season is the best time to diet...  The best (or worst?) example of this would, I believe, be Kellogg's...  A company with an hilariously wide range of products designed to aid weight loss!  How many different types of "Special K" bars, cereals, snacks, etc, are available to buy, these days?  Lots!

And, of course, there are year-round adverts for "Special K" - always goading the viewer into trying a "two week challenge" or a "thousand steps challenge" or something equally galling...

So, why would you need to keep on doing "the challenge"?  Why the need to get slim for summer, for winter, for your birthday, for washing the car, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer?  Because the product doesn't work, I guess...

I could go on ranting for a long, long time about the apparent need constantly to be dieting...  But I shan't!  I shall just continue to hope that somebody, somewhere, has the sense to produce an advert saying "you don't need to get slim for summer - aren't you already slim from spring?!"

Facebook group hilarity

I know I'm posting rather a lot today, but I couldn't let this latest observation go by without mentioning it somewhere...

I have just laughed out loud (yeah, an actual, genuine, real live "lol") at the name of a Facebook group...  And the best bit was, it wasn't even one of this "funny" groups - y'know, the ones which invariably aren't funny...

The group name was clearly meant to say - I hate it when you're super excited for something and everything goes wrong - a reasonably mundane, but not inherently amusing, group...

But, thanks to multiple spelling errors, what I actually read, was this - I hate it when your supper exited for something and everything goes wrong - "yes," I thought to myself, "I actually do hate it when my evening meal walks out, because it's found some other, more attractive, way to spend the time, triggering a chain of unfortunate happenings!"

OK, perhaps not so funny when it's explained in that way - but, I guarantee, hilarious, if you happen to be glancing down your News Feed, and spot that name...  Honestly!!

365 Project rejects - 4th June 2010

These are photos which I like, but which I didn't pick to be today's picture showcased in my 365 Project...

I'll start, actually, with the one I did choose for the project...

Looking upstream at Breydon Bridge -

But there were also these others, which, sadly, didn't quite make it...

A closer shot of the bridge, which I also really like -

Looking downstream, instead, towards Yarmouth town -

A stump of wood, protruding from the mudflats -

And, the view underneath Breydon Bridge, peering through those enormous concrete girders -

Hope you liked those...  If not - no worries!  :)

Rationalising the iPad

So, Apple's famous tablet computer, the iPad, is now available here in sunny Blighty, and the adverts are already all over our televisual devices...  It's not a medicinal gadget, to be taken twice daily with meals (oh c'mon, did you really think I'd be able to resist the obvious pun?!) it's essentially an enormous iPhone...  No, better, an enormous iPod Touch - since the iPad doesn't seem to have any telecommunicative functions...

I'm not going to review the iPad...  Partly because I've never actually seen one in real life, let alone used one, but also partly because other people have already done it, far better than I could ever hope to...

What I am going to do, is try and decide whether I actually want one or not, right here, live on air...  Well, live on this Blog...  How exciting?  No, not really, I know - but don't grumble!  You suggest a better topic!

OK - here we go!  So, why would I want, or not want, an iPad?  I'm going to start with the "cons" - reasons not to get an iPad...  I shall express this, in the form of a diagram, thus -

As you can see, I'm not really sure what the need for iPad is...  It seems to overlap parts of what you can do with a laptop, and parts of what you can do with a mobile phone...  What I'm wondering is - is there anything an iPad does, which can't be done with either a computer or a smartphone?  (I don't actually know the answer to that, and I can't be bothered to do my research, so I shall simply presume that there isn't...)

So, what reasons are there for wanting an iPad?  I clearly don't *need* one - but, every time I see the rational, logical, clear-thinking arguments of the diagram, a little voice in my head wheedles "yeah, but - it's shiny!  It's cool!  It's made by Apple!"

And that's the thing - on a purely emotional level, the iPad really appeals!  So, it's head vs. heart - iPad vs. no iPad...  And, although I claim to be a "rational and intellectual individual" (I love words that end in "al") I know, deep down, that the base desire to have the latest in status-symbol-based gadgetry, to own it, to caress it, to been seen owning and caressing it by others, will win me over every time...

All of which is merely academic - I couldn't possible afford one anyway...!