Monday, 31 May 2010

A seasonal observation

As the weather gets warmer, and the days get longer, something I have noticed is that, while walking around, driving to work, shopping, eating out, generally going about your daily business as normal, you see more pretty girls in the summer...

Why is this?  Well, I have two possible theories...

Firstly - pretty girls are migratory...  They spend all winter in sunnier climes, in the southern hemisphere, like many of the birds native to Britain...  Then, as spring inches forward, they make the long and arduous journey home to the UK, again, across miles and miles of angry seas and strange continents, to arrive back here in time for summer, to continue their lives...  Before journeying south once more, just a few months later, as autumn draws to a close...  One day, Sir David Attenborough will present a series of documentaries covering this very subject...

The other possibility, of course, is that they are the same girls as you see in the winter, but they appear more attractive, thanks to better lighting in the warmer, sunnier months of the year...  (The "heat haze" which is so common on a warm summer's day may also help to hide any imperfections - particularly if viewed from a distance!)  That a person, when viewed under the soft, flattering, natural light of summer will seem more attractive than the same person lit by the harsh, artificial lighting favoured during the dark winter months, seems, to me, not entirely improbable...

I have not yet made up my mind which of these theories is the most likely...  Which do you think it is?

Thursday, 27 May 2010

An open letter to the makers of all American TV shows

Dear Makers of All American TV Shows,

The traditional word for a group of episodes of the same programme is "series".

"Seasons" are what happen to the weather.

Kit Marsden (some bloke)

Thursday, 13 May 2010

Electioneering (part two)

Right...  The election is over - has been for a while, now, in fact...  I'm fully recovered from my thirty-six hour stint of continuous wakefulness, David Dimbleby has been allowed to rest, and Jeremy Paxman has been powered down, and put back on charge...

So, why another election blog?  Well, partly because I couldn't possibly justify calling my previous election blog "part one", without following it up with at least one more part...  But mainly because, frightening though the thought may be, I do actually have more to say on the matter...  So, here goes!

I would like all the crotchety, embittered left-wing activists, neo-activists and crypto-activists who inhabit social media websites like Twitter, and what seems to be known as "the Blogosphere", to shut up, stop whining, and go back to work...  Yeah, sure they're entitled to write whatever they like - but dear God, they're annoying!

One of the main things which I find so irritating about these people, is the refusal to accept that they lost...  The internet has been awash with comments like "David Cameron is not MY Prime Minister!"  Well, I'm sorry, but actually, he is!  You may not like it, but it is the truth...

I have to admit to having been less than enamoured with the Labour Administration of the past thirteen years - but I didn't actually deny that they were in Government, that Tony Blair (and, later, Gordon Brown) was the Prime Minister...  You have every right to be disgruntled - but denying simple, self-evident truths is surely one of the least effective, worst, and most irritating ways to deal with your disgruntlement!

The simple fact is - Labour lost the election!  I'm well aware, as is everyone else, that nobody won - but Labour certainly lost!  Part of living in a democracy is accepting that your party won't always win, so to all the bitter Labour supporting who are still moaning about the outcome of the election, I would like to say this - "you lost, deal with it!"

The second thing I should like to talk about is the whole Liberal Democrat business...  What I shall call The Curious Incident Of The Clegg In The Night-Time...  Why?  I'm not sure, to be honest...

But let's look at this Curious Incident, shall we?  In my opinion, surely this has to be one of the greatest opportunities for Liberal Democrat for nearly a Century...  When was the last time there were Liberals in the Cabinet?  1922?  Wow!

So, why the anger?  Why are some Liberal Democrat supporters accusing their party leader, Nick Clegg, of being "a sell out"...?  Surely, if even one Liberal Democrat policy actually gets implemented, as a result of the new Liberal/Conservative coalition, it has been worth it?  One Lib Dem policy is better than none, isn't it?  Apparently not, in the eyes of some activists - and when I say "activists", I mean "narrow-minded, stubborn, fools"...!

Comments like "people voted Lib Dem to keep the Tories out!" have really annoyed me...  People didn't vote Lib Dem to keep the Tories out, they voted Lib Dem to get the Lib Dems in...  And, remarkably, that's what they got!  Against all odds, and despite winning fewer seats than they did in 2005, there are now Liberal Democrats ministers in the Cabinet...  Isn't that exactly what people were hoping for, when they marked a cross in that box next to the Liberal Democrat Candidate, on the 6th of May?

So there y'go...  My message today, is, things really aren't that bad...  Stop being such over-dramatic, whiny lefties, and start getting used to life in opposition...  All political parties spend some time in office, and the rest of the time in opposition - Labour are no different...  If you're a Labour supporter - you had thirteen years of your lot in power...  Now, the public decided to give that power to somebody else...  Want to complain?  Well, I'm sorry - that's democracy for you!

* big grin *