Saturday, 31 October 2009


I haven't "blogged" much over the past week... Well, not at all, in fact... I've been in France, with Witchers, and internet has been something of a luxury... Plus, we've been busy playing gigs, moving tons of equipment around endlessly, or sleeping - in other words, I haven't had enough time to think of the right kind of drivel for a blog like that!

It was a great week away, though... And, I should like to take this opportunity to thank the French public - if any of you are reading this - for such a wonderful response, and for making us feel really welcome everywhere we played...!

I'm now back in the UK, although not back in Norfolk yet... (So it still feels kinda foreign!) Tomorrow, I have a gig in Sheffield, and then on Monday I'm back in Norwich - teaching in the evening, as usual... It's busy, at the moment, but that's not really a bad thing, is it?

Anyway, this has been very factual... Normal silliness will resume in due course...!

Friday, 23 October 2009

Today, & the surrounding area

Well, today has been good... I sorted out my car insurance, so that we we get off the ferry on Calais on Monday, we can actually drive to our Paris destinations legally... I installed the new Sibelius 6 on my new Apple MacBook, and gloated in the smug newness of it all... And then I had an excellent Cardiem rehearsal, and wrote new material, ready for the live shows... (Incidentally, the studio tracks from the new EP are now available to hear on the Cardiem MySpace - if you'd like to have a listen, and then give us your feedback, we'd be very grateful!)

On the down-side, I haven't had much to eat today - two croissants and two Crunchie bars, to be precise - and my hair looks dreadful... Plus, I still can't find a valid alternative to Dreamweaver for web design - I'm still using open-source web software called NVu, and I don't like using it at all... Apple's iLife suite came bundled with the new MacBook, so I thought I'd try using iWeb, but that's even worse - a truly diabolical program, if ever there was one! I really want to go back to Dreamweaver, but I certainly can't afford to spend that much on the Adobe Creative Suite! How irritating... For now, I shall have to make do with NVu, but if anyone reads this, and knows of a better (preferably free!) alternative to Dreamweaver, please, please, do let me know!

That's enough, for now... There's stuff I should be doing - packing for Paris, tuning drums for Paris, ironing clothes for Paris... Why can't Paris do her own chores?! Still, I'd better go off and by useful now, so I shall bid you farewelll...! :)

Monday, 19 October 2009

Great Idea 1

There should be a tax on sex... We could call it SID - Sexual Intercourse Duty...
Just as income tax is paid by those who earn a lot of money in order that the state might provide essential services to those who can't afford to buy them privately, people who get a lot of sex should pay more SID so that the state can provide free prostitutes for ugly folk...
Good, eh?

Friday, 16 October 2009

Ed Baines

Ed Baines, get off the TV, until you've learned to talk properly... Your Philadelphia advert should be suspended until you've been taught the correct pronunciation of "tagliatelle"...! I'm surprised you don't enunciate each "p" in "Philadelphia" too!!

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

Recent News/Thoughts

Well, I've been at The Mill Recording Studio in Diss over the weekend, recording the first EP with Cardiem... We had a great time, of course, and got a lot done as well - five and a half (last track still has no vocals) tracks recorded over two days, and the unmixed/unmastered CD that I've been listening to is sounding good... We'll be back at The Mill on Friday this week, for mixing and mastering, and then the songs will be up on the Cardiem MySpace... I'm really looking forward to getting this material on the road!

Before that, though, the Witchers tour is coming up soon... I've been checking things, going over gear, getting a decent stock of spare heads, sticks and snare wires in, and generally making sure everything's ready... I've also got to get my car ready to transport three people, their stuff, a drumkit, two or three guitars, and an effects board the size of the moon! Still, really looking forward to it all...

As I sit here and type this oh-so-exciting journal of my life, I've got "Today's 4Music Top Ten" on the TV... I find myself wondering - this world depicted in modern pop music videos, does it actually exist, or is it only real in the minds of some drugs-fuelled production team in middle America? It it does exist, somewhere, then it's very well hidden!


And, this just in, courtesy of the same "4Music" programme - JLS have more than one song! It seems strange to hear their digitally polished voices singing a different set of lyrics...

Wednesday, 7 October 2009

A Twitter Thought

You know when you've "made it" on Twitter - when you've become an online big guy, when you've hit the cyber big time, etc...

All the celebrities on Twitter are the people who have more people following them than they themselves follow...

"People who follow Parasite Luncheon - 12,884 / People Parasite Luncheon is following - 63"

Parasite Luncheon is my fictitious heavy metal band, and yep, they're definitely huge stars... They have a pretty impressive Follower-to-Followee Ratio!

On the other hand...
"People who follow Dan von Schtickfellau - 18 / People Dan von Schtickfellau is following - 278"

Sorry, but I'm afraid Dan is a nobody! His Follower-to-Followee Ratio sucks, and he probably has very little of interest to say...

Shameless plug -
Fancy helping my Ratio? Follow me at

See y'around!

Tuesday, 6 October 2009

Tellyrant Two

Something that's very irritating about commercial television is the type of advert which tries to make out that the product it's advertising is more exciting than it actually is...

You know the type... But because I'm supposed to fill up this space with my "thoughts" I'll give some examples anyway...!

Sensodyne Iso-Active, with that annoying woman talking, going on and on and on and on and on... Her over-enthusiasm is so obviously fake, and the kind of things she says make me want to try the product even less! "I'm excited about trying new things" - yeah, so are lots of people, but I doubt they mean toothpastes when they say that! Like anyone's going to leave the theatre early saying "I'm sorry, but I really want to get home - I'm so psyched about trying this exciting new toothpaste!" or anything like that...?! And then she says "it's like, where is the product going wrong? Nowhere!" Well, they certainly went wrong when they commissioned that advert...!

OK, another example... Perhaps it's the obvious one, but the whole Kellogg's Crunchy Nut series of ads aren't even bordering on the ridiculous - they've sped right through the ridiculous and across the border on the other side without even stopping for Customs, and are now in some Land of Truly Unbelievable Stupidity... According to the advert, it's "Ludicrously Tasty" - such shoddy work, whoever came up with that must've been ludicrously hasty! [groan] In a hurry to rush home from work, perhaps, to have a lovely supper of cereal and milk...? Only to get up in the middle of the night to snack on more cereal and milk, this time straight out of the garishly branded box? Yeah right! Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, is that crazy about a BREAKFAST FREAKIN' CEREAL! Another product I avoid...

I think that's enough ranting for now... Tellyrants will continue, of course, as there are many more forms of irritating adverts out there, just waiting to be slandered on a small-time blogular in the middle of Cybershire... Fab-yew-lous!


Ah, hello again... Been rather slack with this the past few days, so sorry about that... "Normal" service will resume...

Played a fantastic gig with Witchers tonight, at Norwich Arts Centre, supporting a band from Liverpool called Sound of Guns... They were great, and the whole evening was rather enjoyable...

Next, looking forward recording with Cardiem, this weekend and next weekend, and then the France tour with Witchers at the end of October... Should be good!

Anyway, that's all rather factual - it's nice to know, I suppose, but doesn't stir the soul... So, here's a quick opinion piece...

The price of cheese is too high! Cheese a staple (not to mention a paperclip) of our diet, and it's, frankly, disgusting that shops charge such a high premium for what is, essentially, solidified milk... There are too many people these days who are being forced to cut cheese out of their diets, because of the cost, and it's not exactly doing wonders for their complexion... And there are still more people who have had to downgrade their usual cheese intake to that nasty American plastic cheese that comes read-sliced and shrink-wrapped - these people have also got bad complexions, and also greasy, slightly yellow hair with a "fake" feel to it... Please, supermarkets, save these people from their dull, cheeseless existence! LOWER THE PRICE OF CHEESE!!