Clocks

Tonight, or so I'm told, the clocks "go forward"...  We enter that magical land of "Daylight Saving Time" (y'know it used to be called "British Summer Time" - but that's not European enough) and somehow, that's good...  Let's all do the Daylight Saving Dance and be happy!

Unfortunately, there's one drawback to the whole scheme...  It's this business of "losing an hour" - by putting the clocks forward by an hour, we skip out a whole hour from the day...  A twenty-three hour day - imagine that!

But already people are complaining about "losing an hour of sleep"...  It's understandable, really, isn't it?

So, here is what I propose...

Yeah, we have to lose the hour from the day, but do we have to lose it from our sleep time?  Why not take the hour out of working hours, and have the same amount of time in bed?

The day of the change, all businesses should open one hour later than they usually do, but close at the same time...

So, the clocks go forward...  Normally, you have to be at work for 9am - today, you have to be at work for 10am...  But you still leave your job at 5pm...  The system still works - we just have one fewer hour of working, rather than one fewer hour in bed...!  How good is that?!

Of course most of you will have noticed that this year, the clocks are going forward on a Sunday...  Some people work on Sundays, don't they?  So my idea can still benefit them...  But for anyone who has weekends off, who works part-time, who is a student, still at school, unemployed, self-employed, retired, or still in the womb - just get up an hour later, and stop moaning about it!

Chips, Fries, and God-in-Potato-Form

As somebody who eats a lot, it is my belief that there are three varieties of chips…  I write, now, about the difference between each kind, and my opinions of each…

Let me first of all say that this has nothing whatever to do with crisps - the thinly sliced, flavoured potato snack, usually sold in bags, that Americans would call "chips" - as they are a different animal entirely…  No, here we deal only with fried oblongs of potato, served hot - what Americans call "fries", and what normal people call "chips"…

My theory, therefore, goes as follows…

There are three types of chips - category one, category two, and category three…  (Imaginative names, eh?  Maybe, some day, I'll come with some better names for the categories…  I know - how about  a star-rating system?  Like Michelin stars for restaurants?  Yes, that'll work…!)

I believe the three categories can be defined in terms of a condiment - for example, ketchup - and its relationship to the chips…

So, One Star Chips, then…  These are chips which are almost unenjoyable without some kind of dressing…  A good example of One Star Chips would be any "French Fries" served at fast food outlets, kebab shops, burger stalls, greasy-spoons, truck-stop cafes, etc - typically thin, soggy, flavourless and uninspiring…  I find that it is actually quite difficult to eat chips from a kebab shop without some sort of sauce or dressing - tomato ketchup,  barbeque sauce, or even the ubiquitous "burger sauce" - to add interest to dish…  These, then, are One Star Chips…

Two Star Chips, though, are pretty "take it or leave it" when it comes to the ketchup…  These chips are the "average" chips of the snack world - not that there's anything wrong with that…  (They are infinitely nicer to eat than One Star Chips!)  Examples would be chips from a traditional British fish'n'chip shop, or the type served in pubs as a snack…  They're usually chunky, filling, and full of potatoness, and the fact that they are equally enjoyable with, or without, a sauce is what characterises them as Two Star Chips…

And now, we come to the aristocracy of the world of potato-based foods…  Three Star Chips - the greatest chips available to buy on this Earth!  Three Star Chips are, essentially, a gourmet version of Two Star Chips - they're typically available in a good restaurant, or particularly high-quality pub, and it's clear that these chips definitely have a master chef's touch...  But the thing that sets Three Star Chips apart is that they are so awesome, to add a sauce or, indeed, any condiments at all besides very light seasoning with high-quality sea-salt (particularly something as common, or vulgar as ketchup, or "burger sauce") would actually be to spoil the chips...  That's right, they are that good!  From my experience, the Lord Poulett Arms in Hinton-St-George, Somerset, serve excellent Three Star Chips - highly recommended!

So, there you have it...  Three categories of chips - defined by the relationship of the chips to popular condiments...  Brilliant, isn't it?