Can Arsenal win the League?

Yes.

I could leave it there, but that hardly seems worth it.

Arsenal can win the Premier League.  Will they?  Well, that remains to be seen - but I don't understand why everyone's been so quick to write them off.

Arsenal suffered a big defeat at the weekend, when they lost 6-3 away to Manchester City on Saturday.  I'm not denying that this is a setback for them, but is that really the big, season-defining moment people seem to think?  I'm not convinced it is.

For a start, Manchester City have been famously impervious on their home ground this season - Arsenal are not the first team to be given a serious hiding at the Etihad Statium, and they certainly won't be the last.  In the end, was it a huge surprise that Manchester City won at home?  No.

But most importantly of all, this was just one game, in a whole season of Premier League football.  In my opinion, so-called 'big games' between so-called 'big teams' are always over-hyped and are never all they're cracked up to be.  Remember that the same number of points are on offer no matter who you're playing; what makes winning this match any more urgent than winning any other game - especially at this point in the season?

Sure, being the first team to beat Manchester City on their home turf would certainly have sent out a strong message, and that would've been a big boost to morale as well - but to suggest that losing this match means Arsenal's title challenge is already over is surely nonsense!

Premier League titles aren't won just because you beat your closest rival (or lost because they beat you); ultimately, it is consistency which shows through, over the course of a full season.  With thirty-eight games to play, it is highly likely that even the strongest teams will probably lose one or two - the team who comes out on top at the end of the year will be the team who's dropped the fewest points overall in that period.  It doesn't matter against whom you get those points - just that you have more than anyone else.

At the moment, Arsenal are the most consistent team in the Premier League; in sixteen League matches so far, Arsenal have lost just three times.  As I said before, it was unsurprising (even expected, perhaps) that Arsenal lost to Manchester City when they travelled to the Etihad - but for me, that doesn't automatically make City the favourites for the title.  The Manchester club may have an impressive unbeaten home record in the League this season - but, unlike Arsenal, they have been shaky on the road, and they have dropped points to several teams lower down the table (losing to Sunderland, Cardiff and Aston Villa, for example, as well as drawing eminently winnable games against Southampton and Stoke).

It may yet prove that Arsenal will falter, all the critics and pundits will proved right and Man. City (or Chelsea?!) will win the Premier League this year.  People might point to this game (or Arsenal's match with Chelsea next week, depending on how that goes for them) as a turning point in the season.  But in the end, winning one game (any game, against anyone) does not win you the League - winning lots of them does.  If Arsenal can carry on doing that, I think they'll be OK.

And, for the record, I hope they do!  Since it now seems unlikely that Norwich City will be Champions come May, I am backing Arsenal to win the Premier League this season - if only to confound and frustrate everyone who seems so completely sure that they can't possibly win it.  They can.

Dotty #SPOTY

I have never understood the idea of the BBC's annual Sports Personality Of The Year award.

It's the word 'personality' which confuses me.  If you want to show me twelve sportsmen and ask me which one I think the best, fine - go ahead.  (For the record, that's easy - that's Sir Ben Ainslie, all day long.*)

But the BBC aren't asking me who is the best sportsman; they are asking me which sportsman has the best personality.  How am I supposed to know that?!

You can't know somebody's personality unless you know that person really well.  And you can't choose the best out of twelve people based on personality unless you know all twelve of them really well.  Do you know anyone who knows all twelve of these nominees really well?  Nope, neither do I.



* You may not agree, but you're wrong.  Objectively (ie. without taking 'personality' into account), Ben Ainslie has achieved more than any other nominee - but because he didn't do it in a 'popular' sport, he never gets a look in.  Just another reason why democracy sucks.

The Twelve Adverts Of Christmas

These are twelve of the television adverts you are guaranteed to see this Christmas; here I have distilled the essence of each one's message, so you don't have to.

One

Buy a console game which 'all the family' can play, so none of you actually have to look at each other over Christmas.

Two

Fool everyone into thinking you can cook by spending a whole £5 on a mixed platter of bland, nondescript 'party food'.

Three

Create a personalised calendar with pictures of your family on it, in case you're in danger of forgetting what they look like as well as when their birthdays are.

Four

Can't think of anything to buy for someone?  Get them a turgidly predictable stand-up comedy DVD.

Five

Enjoy a plastic tray of chocolates in the shape of something which loosely relates to Christmas - the gratification is fleeting, but the shame stays with you.

Six

Buy a tiny amount of a very expensive perfume, and instantly make yourself the most attractive person in the world with the most glamorous, exciting, edgy lifestyle imaginable.

Seven

You may have coped for the other eleven months of the year with a vastly inferior sofa - but everyone knows Christmas is the time when a sofa really comes into its own.  Buy one now.

Eight

Convince yourself you 'couldn't possibly live without' some totally unnecessary piece of plastic tat.

Nine

This item of food is better than a similar, but much more expensive, item of food from a different company.

Ten

Become so hopelessly caught up in the misty-eyed nostalgia of ersatz 'home video' footage (made to look like it was shot in the '90s) of a stereotypical family smiling and laughing together as they create Christmas memories to cherish forever that you can't help yourself but buy something from our shop.

Eleven

Instead of sending meaningless platitudes to people you only talk to once a year in a Christmas card, send meaningless platitudes to people you only talk to once a year in a personalised Christmas card.  Nothing softens the blow of being only a casual 'Christmas Card List' acquaintance like the 0.3 seconds of extra thought it takes to 'personalise' a Christmas card on a website; if you personalise the card with a picture of yourself, maybe the recipient will even remember who you are!

Twelve

Become easily the most hated person in your neighbourhood with an ostentatious display of decorative festive self-aggrandisation.

Enjoy the season of giving, everyone!

C. Hughton (Manager)?

This is going to be a bit of a (unstructured) rant...

Not been the best week for me, personally - but this hasn't been a good week for Norwich City Football Club either, after being knocked out of the League Cup by Manchester United, and then losing 7-0 away to Manchester City today.  I'm struggling to know what to make of all this, to be brutally honest - of course, both Manchester teams are tough opposition, particularly when they're playing at home, but a 7-0 scoreline is just embarrassing and we (that is, Norwich) have a much stronger and more talented quad than eighteenth in the Premier League would suggest.

If you believe most of the 'fans' commenting on the club Facebook page, and generally chattering on social media, the answer is staring us in the face - sack [manager] Chris Hughton, and instantly we'll be in the top half of the table, and beating all the top teams.  I'm sorry, but that is overly simplistic, and just won't wash.

Before today's game at the Etihad Stadium, Norwich City posted a short video on their Facebook page, in which Hughton says he 'has to take the positives' from the past weeks; the first comment I saw said 'I haven't seen any positives'.  Seriously?  No positives at all?  Nonsense - they may only be small things, but they are there.

This is the sort of thing which really irritates me; it's not the fact that fans are frustrated with the team, or with the manager - that's perfectly understandable - but the uneducated, ill-informed way in which that frustration is expressed.  Hughton is often slated by Norwich fans for being 'a defensive manager', and for playing 'negatively' - a charge still inexplicably levelled at him following last week's draw at home to Cardiff, in which the Canaries broke the season's Premier League record for the most number of shots on target.  Of course we should've scored one, and we should've won that game - but in what universe does that constitute 'defensive' play?!

Are Norwich dead-and-buried?  No.  Despite currently sitting in the Relegation Zone, with nine points we are still in touch with the next five or six teams above us in the table, and we are lucky that there is already a small gap opening to the bottom two teams - Sunderland and Crystal Palace - which means that in order for either of them to overtake Norwich they would have to win two games in a row, with Norwich losing both their fixtures.

Yes, something is seriously wrong.  Is it the manager?  Perhaps.  But let's not forget, in our lynch-mob hysteria, that we started very slowly last season too (under the same manager), but then went on an unbeaten run of games better than that of any other team in Europe besides Barcelona.  We beat Arsenal, Manchester United and Manchester City last year - all with Chris Hughton as manager.

I think some people must have spilt beer on their computers' numeric keypads, as the '4' and the '2' key seem to be sticking...  Commenting '4-4-2' followed by about eight million exclamation marks doesn't exactly make you a football expert.  Presumably, these are the same people who stick the knife into the England manager whenever the national teams plays a 4-4-2 formation because it's an old-fashioned way of setting up a team?

If those supporters who are screaming 'Hughton Out' want to be taken seriously, they need to provide a viable alternative.  Sacking a manager is a big deal - it will cause unrest and upheaval, it could unsettle the team and have the opposite effect to the one for which we'd be hoping.  But even assuming it would be the right course of action, the biggest question is still: who would we get instead?

A lot of managerial names were being bandied about by the Facebook know-it-alls today; including Malky Mackay, Neil Lennon, Gianfranco Zola and Roberto Di Matteo.  Can you honestly see any of those managers even wanting to come to Norwich?  Who else is there who is available, and is a genuinely better option?

Now, let's be absolutely clear here...  I'm not saying that Hughton is blameless in this situation (he isn't), and I'm not saying that getting rid of the manager is not the right way forward - but if we are going to sack our manager, that needs to be a carefully considered, well-thought-out move, and not a knee-jerk reaction brought on by mindless panic after a tough start in the first quarter of the season.  I, for one, am extremely glad that the football club I love is not being run by these same idiots who like to act first, and think later.

Celebrity chefs should stick to cooking celebrities

It started with Jamie Oliver.  Thanks to his inexorable zeal, my students (some of whom currently attend the same high school where I was a student ten years ago or more) can scarcely believe it when I tell them that, back when I was at school, you could have chips (and nothing else) for lunch every day; that cakes, biscuits and sugar-coated doughnuts were only 20p each; and that the vending machines sold an endless supply of carbonated saccharine elixirs like Coca-Cola, Fanta, Sprite and Lilt.

More recently, I have watched Heston Blumenthal attempt to 'recreate the wonder and excitement of childhood food' by building the world's largest Flake '99 (supposedly, this would help 'kickstart a revival' in the great British tradition of ice-cream vans), and a gigantic packet of Hula Hoops.  Seriously?!

These chefs have got too big for their boots.  We don't need any more puffed-up, self-appointed social workers, dieticians, psychologists or sociologists strutting around, taking it upon themselves to right what they perceive to be social wrongs.  Can't they just go back to cooking food?!

Managed motorways

One of the things which frustrates me when I am driving is roadworks - they cause congestion and disruption; they delay your journey and make you late; and (more often than not, sadly) these days, they come complete with ‘Average Speed Check’ cameras squatting malevolently by the roadside every couple of miles. But at least you know that, once the roadworks are finished, and the Average Speed Cameras have gone, the road will be better for it - the road surface will be improved; there will be extra lanes added to increase traffic flow and ease congestion; the road markings will be clearer to read, and easier to follow… (Well, usually, anyway!)

There is, however, one form of roadworks which cause endless pain and confusion while they’re going on, and which don’t even improve the road for drivers once they’re done. I am talking about ‘Upgrade to Managed Motorways’ roadworks.

‘Managed Motorways’ means the big LED screens that hang on the gantries over the carriageway. The idea is that live traffic information can be disseminated to those using the motorway quickly and efficiently, warning drivers of any impending delays or lane closures, adjusting speed limits accordingly, and generally keeping the driving population well-informed - thus helping to improve everyone’s journey.

The only problem is - this doesn’t actually work.

I have seen Managed Motorways schemes on various different stretches of motorway across the UK, and there are plans to upgrade many more pieces of road to include this. The trouble is, however, that the information displayed on these screens is almost always either out-of-date or completely irrelevant.

I have seen Managed Motorway screens saying ‘Warning: Fog!’ on a totally clear day, and then not say anything when there actually is mist or fog in the air.

One time on the M25 (around Jct 23), the screens told me ‘Slow! Animals In Road!’; of course, I never saw any animals in the road - not a single beetle.

There is a screen on the M11, around Jct 8, which tells you have long it will take to drive from there to Jct 9. In theory, I can see how this would actually be very useful - but I have driven past here so many times, and the screen only ever says ‘Distance to A11 (Jct 9): 15 Miles, 13 Minutes’. I have never seen these figures vary - ever.

The Managed Motorways upgrades add nothing to the motorway driving experience. The information they give you as you’re driving is supposed to help - but it doesn’t. So all the disruption and frustration when the upgrade roadworks are happening is not even worth it, in the end!

Added to all that, the costs associated with these upgrades are enormous. To upgrade the M25, from Jct 5 to Jct 7 (a mere 15 miles), to a Managed Motorway scheme is costing the Highways Agency £129 million. That’s £8.6 million per mile of motorway - for outdated or useless information. Bargain.

#iOS7 review follow-up

A few more iOS7 issues have arisen since I wrote my Review yesterday, so I am going to bring you all up-to-date on these now...

Slay the Parallax monster

Yesterday, I was extremely damning about the new 'moving Wallpaper and app icons' feature which has been introduced with iOS7 - Apple calls this 'Parallax' - and even more damning about the fact that I couldn't find how to switch it off...

Thankfully, though, I have since been informed of how to switch off the Parallax feature.  Follow these steps:

Settings > General > Accessibility > Reduce Motion > On

Sadly, this doesn't get rid of the Parallax movement affect when scrolling up or down through an iMessage conversation - where the little message 'bubbles' take on a 'floaty' quality and appear to chase one another up or down the screen - but at least it means that I (and you!) can have a pretty, personalised Wallpaper again.  How lovely.

Caps Lock keyboard

Why the new keyboard in iOS7 only ever displays the letters on the keyboard in capital letters, I don't know.  Yes, that makes it more like our computer keyboards, which only have capital letters on the keys, but with iOS7 I sometimes glance down at the screen and panic that I've written a text message or email ALL IN CAPITALS, and will have to start again.  The new 'Shift/Caps' button to the left of the Space Bar has also taken on a different style, and I am now finding it difficult to differentiate between 'no caps' 'single caps' and 'caps lock' on the keyboard.

The keyboard also seems to respond every-so-slightly slower to typing than it did in iOS6 - which, if you type quickly on your iPhone, does get annoying.

Finally, some apps have the 'new style' iOS7 keyboard, while other apps still have the 'older style' grey version - very weird.

Writing a new text message (left)? Use the new keyboard!
Writing a new Tweet (right)? Use the old keyboard!