Hating to be the exception to any rule, here is a quick summary of my most significant moments from the past year...
- I have been to five different continents - mostly on fact-finding missions, but once just to see if I'd be able to get back.
- I broke the sound barrier using just the power of my mind.
- I've been married twice (but, curiously, divorced three times).
- I won the Turner Prize for my mixed-media piece 'Evaporated Weltschmerz', which is now on display in Latvia's biggest and most well-ventilated art gallery.
- I invented a new pizza topping, which goes on the bottom.
- I built a fully habitable igloo out of only what you can buy in the 'Reduced' aisle in Waitrose, and lived there for two months (during which time I paid no Council Tax, but my heating bills went through the roof).
- I discovered a new species of wasp and a new species of ant - and have since cross-bred them to form a new species of want.
- I bought a new shirt, but so far haven't worn it out anywhere.
Here's hoping that 2014 proves considerably less eventful...!